Back "home"?

Oh my god.

I came to my father’s house today, finally, after almost a week of being here in Guatemala. Fuck my life. Some things changed so much… the house, my baby brother, who lives with whom, and some things are still the same, the rest of my family for example.

It feels weird to be back here after living here for so long before leaving. It’s like the whole structure of their lives is without me now. My baby brother didn’t recognize me. All of my books were put away… boxes with my stuff as well. Going through them I had the most amazing memories of life before MUWCI. Had I forgotten all of that?

It’s weird.

I guess… I guess MUWCI has become my home now. Home away from home now. But wait, things changed there as well… am I homeless now?

I think weird is the best way to put this week: Getting used to live with my mother again, the fights with my family, the tropical storm, and the volcano, and the small earthquake that happened. Seeing everyone again. Sitting on the same places where I used to sit. Wow…

And then, I find myself writing in English again. Is it to shield myself? Quizás.

I think the house changed as much as me. I feel… displaced, exactly what I was fearing, or at least the house is telling me that. I know that I’ve got no place in their daily routines. Maybe I do in their hearts and minds, but not in their routines anymore.

***

I sit in the same corners and places where I used to spend hours. It’s all gone. But it’s a rewarding feeling in some way. It shows me that what I struggled for came true.