90 ways of thinking and feeling

the 90th entry goes for the same number of ways of looking at and thinking about muwci right now.

i could definitely stay and travel for three or four more weeks with no shelter for the night and no meal garanteed, maybe for the thrill of it or maybe because it represents not going back to muwci for a while. it's a peter pan feeling i think.

the last term at muwci has finally come, i think i can associate each of my terms with a part of the trimurti, the 1st, brahma, creation, the term of discovery, shock and starting a new life from zero. the 2nd, vishnu, the conservation, the time when things seemed eternal and yet they were not. the term i've been the most homesick so far, and the term that has felt the longest, in which i got closer and closer to my friends (particularly my now gone second years). the 3rd one was mayhem destruction and dance, like shiva. the hardest so far, and the one that i've also enjoyed the most. the one where i realized my second years were gone, and because of that destruction came to the muwci i had known before this term. now... even the future is laid out, so what's there to do for the 4th one, the last one, the best one (as i want it to be).

i feel sad deep down because i'm going to miss this place, but i also feel like i'm getting fed up with it slowly. i couldn't take one more year i think... i also have a lot of plans and new things i want to do, but i want to preserve what i have and i also know that it's the one where i have to wrap up many things.... maybe i'm done with everything and will achieve moksha.

also i think that if the day before i came to india for the first time, and the week before i left back for guate last year where a whirlwind of mixed feelings, this term that trouble will be my friend.

reading books and buying them and reading reading and learning stuff has shown me a growing side of myself.

and well, while yes, i have a lot of work to do and my mini peter pan scheme is a way of TRYING to get away from that, i also miss the people, and i like this state of knowing when i'll see them again, while when i see them again right now, i'll do it in mind of knowing i'm leaving that place in may.

there's plans for the future (including a year in guatemala) which are scary but in place, and that i'm also looking forward to.

i'm not too sure about if the things i want to regain where ever there, but i guess can only find out.

travelling with rickie and victoria proved to be a nice experience, all and all, and i'll include bits and pieces of my writings on a little red notebook here soon, which is why there was no emotionally charged and epiphany-style note this year here on my blog.

happy new year!