LIFE - Best if consumed unexpectedly

Sometimes the things we fear to do the most are the least horrible ones in the end. I've talked about that before. But I've recently discovered that if you don't plan your life in advance too much, life will surprise you, like the butterfly that you chase and chase but always goes away, but sits on your cheek if you stay still.


I realized that thanks to someone here, both because of what he said and what he did afterwards.


I wonder if the nature of this blog will change after almost a year of life. I mean, at first it was a place where I could go on and on about how I felt, more than actual adventures it's been more of a confessionary, a diary of crises and realizations - like Ayesha would expect it. 


But now I feel the need to move it on a bit, I mean, of course my dramatic and emotional self will still be there, but now that I'm comfortable here I want to make this onto something a bit more elaborate. I (and hopefully all you visitors around the world) will see how that goes.


I thought 2nd year was only about having the same amount of work as the 1st year, but just that you needed to know how to handle it better. It's a bit more than that -at least academically-. So far I've been struggling a lot with that, but also with a sort of memento mori. Last year I always used to say that the 2nd year is harder because you realize your days in India are counted, but actually they've been counted since before you came here, more or less 2 years is the average for most MUWCI students. Now that my feet take me around the hallways and paths of the school I feel so much more at home here, but I also don't have thoughts of how will this place be next year. I mean, I do, but not in a way that excites me to rush and experience them. Probably the school will change a lot with us gone, a few more teachers might leave this year, and oh well, there's not much we can do about it. After all it's the permanent elements of life here which define it in the end. 


That's also why I wonder if it's actually worth fighting about little details. When we are resilient to a new rule, a new gate, a new change imposed or discussed by the headmaster, we could only be delaying the inevitable. 


Now this is not my optimistical and marguerite usual self, but it's just what I think.


"Big Jumps" I remember I sang before coming here, don't be afraid to break some bones. Now I've got another jump to make at the end of this experience (of which I have a bit less than half left), back into the West. I'll move again between the familiar and unfamiliar (with no Iron Curtain that helps define them and orient myself).


But then again, that's what I'm doing here! I wonder if that feeling will ever go away. For now I just want it to stay.


---


Now that school has almost a month of being back in motion I start to feel taken into its atmosphere again. I want that routine to start. (Ask me a week or two after it has and I'll tell you I hate it: but that's just me, my green, deery, artsy, unstable me.)


---


I was reading about this author called Sylvia Plath, whose poems are quite read by teenagers in high school according to Michael. He gave us an extensive essay to read for homework, which basically describes her work in an academic way. What surprises me is that the poetry that seemed so familiar to me, so natural and normal, is described by the author as made by Plath in such a way that her feelings and interpretation of the world takes the center stage. Her feelings of death, of pain, interpret the rest of the world (if there is such) as confirmations of those feelings, or momentary breaks from them.


I felt it resembled a lot to my blog. Very introspective, as Avaneesh said.


But then, if a writer doesn't write about him/herself, what should they write about? I don't want to be a silent and passive observer who describes this world and its details to you my readers, because it's just impossible for me to talk about it without imprinting the feelings it catalyzes in me.


I guess I'll have to figure it out.


AND now that I remember, in my list of things to do, there's something quite important: learn to work in Art to overcome that structure and routine that has been imposed for 2nd year work. Ironically, the structure is only for us to submit 2 pieces a month and also the Research Workbook. Even something as small as that killed my passion for the subject in the past few weeks, but I think I can find a way of make it bright and interesting again - hopefully.