BhuBhuBhuBhu

We are in the state of Orissa, in eastern India. Drenched by the heat and sweat, these past 4 days have been hell, almost literally, and Bombay was more or less the same. It's been more than a week since we graduated, and a day more than that since we left MUWCI.

Gradually our band of 15+  muwci students was dismantled. First one, then three, then six, then one, then another one, and the remaining three separated. Now it's just me and Maite.  I didn't get to say bye to Becky.

Victoria left last night, and Rickie is leaving today, though I won't be able to speak to him until he's in Costa Rica.

The heat has been, as I said, horrible, and Bhubaneshwar has had some interesting things to offer, but not many. I think it would've been way different if I had come with Ritu.

Tonight we go to Calcutta, we should be there by tomorrow morning.

I am getting a bit tired of being here, after two years. But I am still enjoying myself, for today, 31st May 2011. I have 6 weeks left in India, for a while. I think it will be time to close the blog soon.

Gradually

The trees are swaying with the wind.

This morning it's all silent, it's all sad, it's everyone sleeping or busy.

Our graduation rehearsal is at noon. Our Graduation ceremony is at 2. The dinner at 7 and the dessert at 8. And that's IT.

Graduation, gradually. That's how we are flirting with the idea of leaving, gradually, first not thinking about it. Then slowly embracing the pace of the days as our exams are getting over, and over. Then starting to put things down the walls, and then packing.

Tomorrow we go.

Thus grew the tale of Wonderland:

Thus slowly one by one,

Its quaint events were hammered out—

And now the tale is done,

And home we steer, a merry crew,

Beneath the setting sun.

The first of the last eight nights: Silent Sea

"When we thought we had jumped into the cold water of the ocean, we were actually just on a lake. Good that we learned how to swim."

The sea is silent, the sea is roaring, but it holds so many things inside it. 

Today, I tried to think of the future. 
About the people I would meet, 
and I couldn't.


About the places I would be in, 
but I couldn't imagine. 
So I stopped. 


I have made plans, but I don't really know what will work out and what won't. All I have is the present, is the next week, and nothing else for sure. Maybe not even that. All I can live for is the present. The same lesson I kept learning and learning over and over again this year. Because all we have is the present moment, and whoever is there, and whoever is inside our hearts and minds. 


Now we can't really do anything. It's all been said and done. And the future is pounding on the road, pounding its hooves, and singing loudly about what shape it could have. (Except, unlike in the bird song, I don't know if I want it to shut up). 


India has many a lesson to teach, so does MUWCI. I knew it was a space for me to do what I want, a safe space of freedom to plan my day around it. But today talking to Arpita I realized I never knew what it did to me, until it all had happened. 


I can control so many things I do, but there's many more I can't control that I still do: today I learned these things also affect me back, whether I'm aware of it to not. 


So on the first of the last eight nights, I say: You never can control as many things as you wish you did. And that is good. 

"Life after UWC"

Asi decia un e-mail de Liam hoy.

Tiene nombre! La vida despues de UWC.

Megalomaniaco que soy, nunca me habia puesto a verlo así. Y pues, esque si, habia pensado en la vida en COA, el verano en Guate, pero no el la vida después de UWC. Tiene que llegar. Tenía que llegar. Como siempre me lo dije, tengo los días en India contados desde antes de venir. Y aunque si haya disfrutado cada día casi al máximo, y haya tomado las decisiones con el corazón, y no me arrepiento de nada, duele dejar este lugar.

Pero entonces, ¿Cómo seguimos adelante?

Solo asi. Siguiendo adelante. Llorando, y llevando la tristeza al principio, pero luego recordando los buenos tiempos con una sonrisa. Como ahora yo extraño a los segundos años que quiero tanto, y voy a extrañar a mis coaños, y primeros años.

Creo que esta bien que vaya a la universidad. Tenia un poco de miedo de estar de vuelta en casa, y me senti presionado a hacer una o la otra cosa, pero estoy contento con la decision de ir directo a la U. Ahora me siento desparramado por el mundo.

Ahora me siento que mis raíces siguen siendo chapinas, aunque no lo demuestre tanto, pero no sé de donde son las ramas ni las hojas ni el fruto ni las flores.

Y por lo demas? Seguiremos andando. Ya veremos como va todo. Por cierto, creo que va siendo hora que cierre este blog. Un par de entradas mas luego de graduación creo. 

Postcards from Italy

I remember clearly the night I was told I could come to India. It seemed so remote, a possibility so surprising that it carved a hole deep into my consciousness and my heart. My brother's face went red with surprise, it wasn't what we thought it would be. My mother cried on the phone. She had seen the door before. Should I go?

Then Ana Liz. "Ah".

I though she was pissed at first I remember. We didn't talk for a couple of weeks.

Then my friends. And finally making the choice that Friday afternoon sitting on those beds with my father. "It's really hot there, the food is spicy, and we don't know if you could come back for Christmas". "Are you sure?". Yes I was.

...That plane, NEW--BOM. Its size pushed me to the limit and ask myself whether I was sure of what I was doing. I wasn't. And I was already there. Ticket bought, bags packed, everything written and sent.

***

I never manage to finish realizing all the consequences of this choice. Now I have things with stories that my family doesn't know.


And now it's only 10 days left. Not even weeks. Days.  :) :( :S :@
Weeks in which things and hours just seem blurry, and something is sitirring inside. 

A week and a half under the thumb.

Now the world is turning on itself.
With a funky flavor and a pinch of salt,
it has gone to the dogs

Little animals living in my hips
are now dancing to the beat
that wakes from this new adventure

Slowly my skin incorporates as well,
every pore rejoices in excitement,
as I embrace that voice

It repeats itself, oh that bloody sound
A voice from the deeps
That makes me pound

Now I have to think of packing
but I don't really want to go
I want to stay and dance

All of my gestures are not enough
to express the joy
of the meaning found in the new sound.

Like a magnesium flare

Like our dear Headmaster pointed out in our last newsletter, May burns with the above description. It's hot, intense, and short. May is special again.

Mayo y las despedidas escribia el año pasado. Ahora es Mayo y me voy, y Mayo y llego.

Our heads bursting with data ready to pour their knowledge on numbered paper to be read by stranger eyes. Things and life is slowly drained out of our houses, concentrated in boxes for things to be given away, and our time to be spent in the library or AQ.

Little settlements have been built in classrooms at the AQ, corners are inhabited by Muwci Librarianis, or people in the library. And the time has come for us to pack, to put all of our belongings into bags and boxes, to wait for life to move on, and new life to come to this place. 

Power(less)

Si, asi me siento. Dos horas antes de mi segundo examen. Dos-Tres semanas antes de irme. Unos dias antes de que todo se termine, y unas horas antes de que de un solo se acabe.